Everyday struggles.....

I took this from my facebook.  I wrote this the other day.  I know it's different then my normal blogs, but I wanted to share this with a lot of you.  I don't mean to sound depressed lately.  Just going through a lot in my life right now and finding when I blog about it, it helps a little.  Like I'm letting out some frustrations and letting my voice be somewhat heard.



I've had a struggle that I've been having pretty much my whole life and lately it seems to be bothering me more and more! My shyness! I feel it gets in the way of meeting new people! I feel people look at me and think it's because I'm "stuck up", "snobby", etc. But if you really get to know me, you know I'm not really any of those! I have a huge heart, least I like to think I do! Then I start looking at my shyness as a gift from God. Because I don't talk much, I can listen better! Maybe that could be it! I like to listen to people if they have a problem. I might not always have a solution, but I can pray. And yes, I can keep a secret because I don't go about talking to other and telling all. I also like to write and writing really lets me express myself when I can't say it. I can write inspirational words all day, but trying to get them out of my mouth, they just don't come out the same or the way I want them too! I just wish more people understood who I really was and not let this shyness keep them away or try to change it because it's who I am!

I have also lost many friends because sometimes this shy girl needs to let things out herself, and I trust too much and then everything I trusted that that person could keep to themselves, tells all! It's devastating to know you can't trust many people anymore. I guess I think more people are like me and can keep secrets to themselves. It hurts even more when these people go back and use your secrets for their advantage and/or makes up lies to make themselves feel/look better. These are things I'm struggling with and learning everyday. There's only one thing I can do at this point for all these issues I'm currently having....PRAY!!!

Been a while....

So it's been a while since I last wrote a blog.  I haven't really had anything to blog about and it seems my life as been busy!

Lately, I keep coming in and out of these depressions and while being in one, I seem to gain weight.  So, I'll lose 7 lbs and then gain that back, then lose 5lbs and then gain that back!  I'm so tired of this pattern.  It's starting to get old, but it's so hard when you are around food everyday and have no support system.  A lot of you know, some don't, but we are having quite a bit of a financial problem, so all this is really hard and stresses me out so bad, and is the cause for these depressed moods.  I just pray that are problems will be taken care of soon.  I don't know how much more of this I can take.  I really want to lose weight.  I wish I had someone to make me get my butt up and make me exercise, eat right, etc.  Sometimes I just feel like facing the fact that I'm FAT and I will ALWAYS be fat!  :(  I look at myself now and look at pictures of me from the past and I can't believe the weight I've put on.  What has happened to me?!?!  I've never told anyone this, until now, and of course my husband, but I once had a dream.  I was the old skinny me and I looked at the me I am today and asked myself, "Denise, what have you done and what are you doing to yourself?"  I woke up from that dream in tears because it was so real and touching and I changed and lost weight because of that dream.  But now I have went back to the old me!  Not quite there yet.  About 30 more pounds, then I'll be there.  But I don't won't to go there! I wish I could just lose the weight!  I wish I had the motivation.  I can't let myself go again!  I just can't!  

A huge confession

Well, I have disappointed myself.  I stopped doing my WW for one week and pigged out, and gained my 6 lbs back.  I'm so disappointed in myself.  How could I have done this?!?!  Maybe it was from the lack of support, the emotional roller coaster I've been growing through, the stress of the world, or the fact that I'm getting older and my so is my baby (she just started Kindergarten).  Just seems everything comes at the same time and at a bad time.  So, what do I turn to...food. I feel like I have no one to turn to, so the only thing that doesn't let me down is food, but in a way it does let me down.  Food  makes me feel good while going down, but the after effects are harsh.  And then you hop on the scale and yet again...HARSH.  So, why do I keep relying on food to help with my problems?!?!  I just need to quit, right?   I can't!  I'm addicted and food is something we NEED.  Not like alcohol and can just quit buying it, and we don't need alcohol. Food is all around us and something we have to have to survive.  It's so hard.  I did walk today and I feel great now.  The whole time I just kept thinking of how I have gained so much weight and I feel ugly and not myself, so it pushed me to keep walking!  Once I get ready, I'm going to go in my car and measure how far I walked.  Felt like forever.....but prob like 0.5 miles..lol, but it's a start.  I have plans of jogging soon, but have to work my way up.  I have bad knees and ankles from arthritis and so building them up by walking first, will help with that transition.  I was diagnosed with arthritis at a young age of 17.  I won't let it stop me.  I don't want to be an overweight old woman having to use an electric scooter to get from one place to another.  I just won't let that happen.  I can't!  

Today, I'm going to the store to get some apples and water.  Both are suppose to be natural appetite depressants, so apples will be my best friend for a while.  We will see.  WW started back today.  I really need a partner. My husband is not good help. Anyone want to start a group to start walking everyday?  Would be a great motivation because we could tell each other to get our lazy butts up and get to walking..hehe.  Oh and another goal....I'm wanting to start getting back in shape to play softball next year.  So I would need A LOT of practice.  :) 

****Results on walk-I walked 1.6 miles.  :) Didn't seem that long.  Yayy

Unmotivated..:(

I started writing this blog to share my struggles, recipes, etc etc.  I wanted to motivate others through this blog by letting them know they aren't alone.  It's so hard to lose weight, especially when you are addicted to food.  That's right?!  I'm addicted to food.  So right now, I'm having a hard time and my motivation is down.  Even after reaching my first goal of losing 6 lbs, I'm unmotivated.   It's like a drug addict not having their drug.  Well, I haven't gotten my fix of food.  I really want to lose this weight, but this addiction is starting to overcome me.  "Just eat it Denise.  You will always be overweight, so just eat." That's what my mind keeps repeating over and over.  Because of all this, I have been somewhat emotional,depressed, angry, sad.........I'm starting to feel alone.   I shouldn't be feeling this way, right?  After all I started this blog to bring motivation to all who reads this, but yet I'm feeling like giving up.  This urge is hard. 

The first week was a breeze.  This second week, not so much.  I'm not going to give up.  It's mind over matter here.  I can't give up.  I want this BAD!   I just wish this addiction would just go away. I keep picturing myself smaller and I keep thinking of my role model, Ruby.  It helps!  But how much longer will it help.  (Maybe that little bit of yelling will help..lol)

These are my confessions!!!!  And I'm one hungry MOM!!!! 

Inspiration

I wanted to share with everyone who reads my blog, someone who is a true inspiration to me.  Ruby Gettinger!!!  This woman has come through a lot and lost her weight on her own.  I don't get to watch her show has much as I would like to, but she's still an inspiration. Her heaviest weight was 716 pounds!!!!  She now weighs less than 350 lbs.  How amazing is that.  All that weight gone and doing it on her own.  No surgery, no shakes, no Jenny Craig, just eating healthy!!!!!  How can she not be an inspiration.  Every time I think of her, it makes me keep going. 

We have a lot in common too.  Both Southern Belles, love spending time with our friends, loves music, both of us struggled with our weight since childhood, and lastly both of us hoping to bring inspiration to others. (She has truly done so.)  She of course is well-known and has lost a lot more weight then myself, but every little inspiration can be a huge one to someone Else's life!

She looks amazing!  BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Goal 1.....check!!

When I first started WW, last Monday, I sat a goal to lose 5 lbs this week.  I have done just that, plus lost an extra pound.  A total of 6 lbs so far. 

My new goal is to lose 5 more pounds and to start some type of exercise.  Walking is a good start.  I'll be glad when Fall comes and cools things down a little, least let's hope Fall is kind enough to do so.  :) 

I'm proud of myself so far and I'm hoping and praying to continue down this road of success to weight loss.  I tend to fall off track and not get back on.  If I fall off this time, I'm going to try and pick myself right back up and continue to move forward. 

Try to discover

The road to success

And you'll seek but never find,

But blaze your own path

And the road to success

Will trail right behind.
~Robert Brault,

Chicken Marsala

This is my healthier version of the Chicken Marsala you can get at Olive Garden.  I hope you all enjoy.  Notice I don't use measurements for any of my spices or herbs.  That is because they are added to your liking and flavor.  I love Garlic, so I add a lot of garlic to all my dishes.  Some people might not prefer as much as me. Tip:  When using dried herbs, crush in the palm of your hand to bring out the flavor in them.


1lb Chicken Breast
1/2 cup Flour
Salt
Pepper
Garlic
Parsley
Onion Powder
1tbsp EVOO

Mix flour and spices together in a bowl. Coat chicken on both sides with the flour mixture.  Then pound the chicken breasts between two sheets of wax paper until flatten. (You can eliminate this step and just put right into the oven if you prefer.  I just like my chicken to cook faster.)
In a pan of EVOO, brown the chicken on both sides.  Then add to the oven at 350 degrees.  Cook until no longer pink in the middle.

Marsala Sauce

1tbsp EVOO
1/2 small Onion (diced)
8 oz of mushrooms (save the juice from the cans on the side)
3tbsp Marsala Cooking Wine
1 1/2 bullion cubes
1 1/2 cup Water
1 1/2 tbsp Cornstarch
Parsley
Onion Powder
Garlic Powder
Salt
Pepper

Mix the bullion cubes with the water and put in the microwave for about 2 minutes, or until the bullion is dissolved.  Set aside.

Heat EVOO in a pan, then add onions and mushrooms.  Cook until onions are translucent. 
Add Marsala and cook until some of the liquid has evaporated.  Add the bullion/water mixture and mushroom juice to the pan.  Save a little of the bullion mixture on the side to mix with the cornstarch.  Cook until boiling. Add the cornstarch to the bullion mixture, mix and add to the pan.  Bring to boil and boil until sauce has thickened.  (If sauce doesn't thicken, just add more cornstarch to a little bit of water and add.  You do NOT want to add the cornstarch to the sauce itself because it will not dissolve and will lump.)

Once sauce as thickened, turn down to simmer and add onion powder, garlic powder, parsley, salt, and pepper.  Simmer for about 5 minutes! 

This entire sauce is 3 WW points.  You can divide how you want among your family. 

Smashed Potatoes

About 14 Red Potatoes
1/2 cup Water
1/2 Bullion Cube
1 tbsp butter
Salt
Garlic Powder
Parsley

Clean and cut the potatoes into equal sizes.  (I leave the skin on the red potatoes.) Add water to potatoes until they are completely submerged.  Boil the potatoes until tender.  Drain.  Microwave water and bullion cube until dissolved. Then add it and the rest of the ingredients to the potatoes.  Then start mashing. 

1/2 cup=2WW points

This entire dish cost me 7WW points, that's including my snap peas.

Can you tell I had already tore into it before I decided I should take a pic?!? lol
And ignore the paper plate.  I hate doing dishes, so paper is the way we go around here.
(Potatoes with sauce on the left, chicken with sauce on right.)

A tiny bump in the road of success!!

If you've been reading my blog, you know I've been on WW since Monday!  Well, yesterday being Day 4, I had a craving.  A bad craving.  A craving for a BIG burger.  I thought about it and thought about and finally, I decided what the heck and got a small burger and fries from Sonic® (I love Sonic®).  I did my research before I went.  I was able to use my weekly allowance points for the burger and fries and still have a lot left over.  I'm proud of myself because I could have gotten something way worse with a LOT more calories.  When trying to lose weight or maintaining your weight, we shouldn't deprive ourselves of things like that.  If we stopped eating them all together, then what's going to happen one day when you haven't had it in months?   You're most likely going to pig out and eat way more than you should and regret it later.  I'm glad I took the approach that I did and didn't go for a bigger, higher caloric burger.  I would have been disappointed in myself!  I was content with my small burger. Now that craving is gone and I didn't deprive myself.  Might not have been a healthy choice but I feel if we eat things in moderation then we can have anything what we want or crave. 

"POP" goes the corn

I love eating popcorn as a snack at the end of a long day.  I'm really picky about my popcorn though.  I'll eat the popcorn at the movies, but I don't really care for it too much. It's too salty for my taste.  Plus the calories in one of those buckets....outrageous!!! 

My favorite popcorn is the SmartPop by Orville Redenbacher's.  At 100 calories a bag and 2WW pts, I don't have to worry about overdoing it with the calories.  I also love the kettle corn.  Good for when I want something sweet and salty. 

But, if I have popcorn it's an absolute must for me to have Kernel Seasoning in my house.  Sprinkle a little on your favorite popcorn to flavor it up. I love this stuff.  It's great for just about anything, not just popcorn.  Potatoes, eggs, veggies, etc.  It's all natural and contains no MSG. If I'm out of this in the house, I just won't eat popcorn.  That's how much this stuff is a must for me.  There are various flavors.  My three favorite flavors are butter, nacho cheese, and white cheddar.  You can find these in any grocery store.   I hope everyone who tries it, enjoys it has much as I do!

"Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.” ~Unknown

Healthy Granola Bars

In the process of trying to make things healthier, not just for me but my entire family, I decided to make some granola bars. I was also craving some, so, I found a recipe and got to making it.  It's loaded with a lot of grains and fiber.  They are so good and the kids like them too!  Which was my main objective.  


1 cup rice puffs
1 cup rolled oats
1 cup rolled wheat
1/2 chopped almonds
1/2 sunflower seeds
1/2 cup flax seeds
1/2 cup dried fruit (whatever you prefer, I used cherries)

GLAZE:
2/3 cup light brown sugar
1/3 cup + 1 TBS honey
1/4 cup butter (half a stick)
1 tsp vanilla

(I didn't have the rolled wheats on hand, so I just doubled the recipe for the rolled oats.)

Toast the raw grains in the oven for about 5 min. at 400 degrees, mixing half-way thru.

Line a 13x9 inch pan with foil or wax paper to spread granola.

Mix all dry ingredients in very large bowl. (I used my huge canning pot)

Heat all glaze ingredients in sauce pan on stove top at medium heat. Bring to boil, reduce heat to simmer, stir constantly and continue to simmer for 2 minutes. Pour glaze over dry ingredients and mix well.

Spread the granola in the lined pan and press with the back of your spoon.  Press hard so the bar doesn't fall apart.  Let cool and then cut into 14 bars. 

I had the kids help me mix the dry ingredients by taking turns.  They had a good time making and eating them! I wrapped them in plastic wrap individually, so we can grab and go if we have too.  I added it up and they are 5 WW pts a piece...so this would be more of a breakfast, then a snack!  But really worth making.

 

Healthier Choices

This is day 2 on WW.  Yesterday went pretty good, and even though today isn't quite over yet, it was a good day as well with my eating habits.  Last night I made a salad; roasted some red potatoes with EVOO, garlic powder, onion powder, S&P, and parsley; and then baked chicken breasts with the same ingredients that I used on the potatoes.  It was a very delicious supper and it smelled just as good as it tasted. 

Tonight we had chicken as well, but changed it up a little.  I used something I had never used before.  I was shopping in my local grocery store and saw a buggy full of reduced items.  I picked up a spice made by HOKAN called Five Spice Powder.  The five spices are: Fennel seed, star anise, ginger, cloves, and cinnamon.  It was only $.57. It spelled good and I love all those spices, so I said what the heck and got it.  I decided to give it a try and use my new spice for supper.  I saw a recipe on the back called "Hunan Chicken" but it was covered with the reduced price sticker and went to peel it off and half of the recipe came off with it, so I'm missing half the recipe.  But it gave me an idea and I ended up creating my own recipe. 

1lb Chicken Breast

1/2 cup Teriyaki

1/2 an onion

2 tbsp minced garlic

1tbsp of Five Spice Powder

Marinate all the above ingredients for a least 10 minutes. The longer, the better. ( you can add more of the spice and/or garlic, according to your taste)

Bake until no longer pink in the center on 350 degrees.  Simple and delicious. 

My oldest, Autumn, thought we were eating Chinese food.  It was that good.  And my picky 3 year old liked it too! I sauteed some zucchini, onions, and garlic together and cooked rice which I added a little bit of teriyaki and soy sauce to complete the meal.  7 WW pts for the entire meal and the best part...the kids loved it.

Starting Over........AGAIN!!

As long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight.  After getting married and having kids, I gained a lot more weight and it's been a lot harder to lose it and keep it off.  With all the stresses in everyday life, the fast food, snacks, etc  it got even harder. 

After having my second child, I lost a lot of weight, about 60lbs from Weight Watchers and working out everyday.  During that time, I was taking care of a newborn and a 2 year old.  I don't know if it was all the stress of me trying to do so much, but I ended up passing out one early morning while getting a bottle.  Since then, I haven't had the energy to workout like I was doing nor the motivation like I had at that time.  I also had a workout and WW buddy. Now, the town I live in, I have no friends to help with my weight loss.  I still have her as a friend, but with our busy lives getting together to workout is hard, especially hard on the gas. 

I have since lost weight and gained weight and as of today, I'm 15lbs heavier in one month from my lowest weight that I've been since having kids.  That's why I'm starting this blog, to share my stories, struggles, recipes, thoughts, etc, to get motivation from people since I have no one near that can give me that motivation.  "If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.”~Jesse Jackson